Monday, April 1, 2013

April 1st Fools Day - I Feel unhappy

This a day for fools and mad men they say. My new computer is not to be it seems, for I have no money this year for it. A fool is easily parted from his money excepting when he has no money. Havent even got the old pc repaired and still not sure if I can repair it at all. I do not feel good at all, I am still cut off by so called friends who will not speak to me. Money is a terrible thing to those with it. I havent got it and really could hve used some of it. They fucking had enough, why the cuttoff, the lack of comms? I had no god complex like the turk so why do they leave me in the dirt as they continue above me. I am not happy. I still have no bed yet even which grinds at me, yet more money and less space for my stuff yet I need it soon. I am waiting on goose eggs in next days to give me some thing to enjoy, yet the lack of my room and bed prevents this. I am not happy. I want to save my files if I can from my old pc and possible be forced to use the google cloud as storage. So many files lost though so many years, I am unhappy over this. I have ideas I wish to get out of my mind into the world of 3D so I can view and manipulate it. I am felling as though I am slipping back to the old days when thing were very dark indeed. Probably why they are a horrible blur of time and lost memories to me. Not that memories of abuse are what you need to recall. Dark times in the mind indeed. Were it not for this old laptop I would be lost further in the dark. for it allows be to find a path of sorts out of the darkness. A dim path perhaps at time when the sodding graphics controller/connection on this thing gos bonkers but still a path I can use to avoid falling again. There are days the path grows dim and the beast within looks out and it wonders "whom shall I bite". There are days when the dark beast is prodded and poked by those why seek money, lots of money just to punish him for looking for work. So the beast growls and hurls and tears at it self fro it cannot render its enemy apart. It speaks to others and finds the enemy is a total thieving bastard in the views of many. Yet the beast seems the calander days slide past and knows it will have to pay the enemy for others would seek it dead it it dos not. The beast is unhappy, and the beast bides his time in hope of a brighter path again.